I-Hate-My-Life Garlic Mashed Potatoes

Sometimes you just want to smash something. Throw things against the wall. Scream. Peel the skin off of something. Chop things up and throw them into a steaming pot of boiling water. And guess what? This recipe requires all of those. (Except the screaming. And throwing things against the wall. You don't really need to scream to make mashed potatoes. But if you want to, I have no objections. To the screaming, I mean. You might not want to throw things against the wall. Your mom might yell at you.)

I never make the same mashed potatoes twice. I've made mashed potatoes with cream and salt, pepper and garlic, cheese and parsley, or simply milk mashed with potatoes. It doesn't really matter. I never make mashed potatoes with the same consistency, either. It depends how angry I am. Never mind that, though. In the end, mashed potatoes are mashed potatoes right?

I don't think you can get much simpler than boiling potatoes, mashing them, and eating them. Really. It's that simple. It's so simple I never even follow a recipe. It's also weird that I like mashed potatoes, because I normally don't like potatoes. I don't like potato salad. I don't like clam chowder (although I can make killer bread bowls). And I don't like baked potatoes. Oh well. It's one of the world's greatest mysteries. I have several other weird food habits that I will perhaps divulge in other posts, but for now, let's just put a cap on how weird I am and get to the recipe!

Garlic Mashed Potatoes

• 3-4 russet potatoes, peeled (if you want)
  
• 1 clove garlic
  
• Salt and pepper to taste
  
• 2 tbs milk or cream
  
• Anger
  

1. CHOP the MERCILESSLY PEELED potatoes into ¼ inch thick medallions.
   
2. Heat a pot of water, then TOSS the medallions INTO THE BOILING WATER.
   
3. Let the medallions boil for about 10-15 minutes, or until you can poke through the middle of a medallion easily with a chopstick (feel free to SCREAM at this point if need be).
   
4. Drain, and place the medallions into a large pot or bowl that can withstand multiple poundings.
   
5. On a cutting board, SMASH the garlic with the side of your knife and finely mince the garlic.
   
6. Take a potato masher, whisk, fork, spoon, hand mixer, or any other object and MASH THE FLOOPERS out of those potatoes. Really. Go crazy. (This step usually takes me about 5-10 minutes depending on how angry I am).
   
7. At this point, if you still have lots of pent-up anger, feel free to continue mashing the potatoes even if they're already completely mashed! I like smooshing the mashed potatoes around. It's fun.
   
8. Add in the garlic, salt, pepper, and milk and mix around with a spoon. Serve using an ice cream scooper to make it look like ice cream!